Church

March31

Sunday I told Audrey we were going to a different place for church that morning.

“Dere’s cookies dere too?” was her response. So she knows what matters.

There were cookies. And it was technically still our regular church: just a new, small, informal, off-site place where you can sit at tables with your coffee during the 45-minute service. Which is right up my alley. This month.

Last month, and for a while, I was feeling our big, formal, put-on-a-great-production-of-a-service church didn’t even have enough ritual or tradition to suit me. I thought it was weird that I looked forward to Ash Wednesday of all times of the year, because there was ritual and liturgy and ancient stuff. I started threatening to defect to Catholicism. Not even trying to be cute here. I know that when I feel a total disconnect from all that is greater than me that physical worship can bring me back. Your brain can’t stay in the same place when your body is kneeling, making the sign of the cross, saying the rosary, things like that. All of a sudden you don’t have to make this cerebral strain like you’re trying to spiritually poop yourself to a higher place. You just get taken away. Or I do. It works for me.

So how did I end up in the opposite sort of place this weekend? I think it was because I read a wonderful book by a nun who did a great job of describing the revolutionary, often female-driven house meetings of the early Jesus Movement. I started to romanticize that and felt like right now I’d love a gathering where I could act and dress casually (and therefore feel like me) and is small enough for me to feel known. Also, after this service you can hang and have a conversation with the pastor about the sermon topic. It has that Bible study class-like feel that Andy and I often like more than actual worship. Andy, listening to me ramble about this stuff just points out the obvious: we can alternate what service we feel like going to.

One other nice thing: this was the first time in ages that Audrey stayed with me for a service. She’s used to her church nursery full of kids with toys and felt-board bible stories and coloring. Sharing a service with her was rather sweet. She danced to the music and clapped afterward (unlike the rest of us still-too-repressed-it’s-for-the-glory-of-God-alone Protestants) and managed to not go too crazy until halfway through the sermon.

Then at the end she said, “We go odder church now?”

 

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Freedom’s Just Another Word

March30

A couple Fridays ago I abandoned my family and ran off to party with my best girlfriends for the entire weekend. It felt like the most self-indulgent treat I’ve ever had. I had never left my kid for a night before, much less two.

Andy was still hurting from hernia surgery the week before and so had constant grandmother backup on the toddler front. So I vacillated between two feelings: 1) I am so grateful that Andy would make this sacrifice of time and money that we don’t really have so that I could have this joyous experience even thought he almost never gets to do fun things with his friends and 2) Wait, he didn’t have to deal with a single annoying toddler thing while I was gone? I wanted him to suffer more so he’d know what I go through!

I’m such an nice wife.

I did a lousy job of preparing Audrey for how long I’d be gone but what do you do? Her sense of time isn’t great. I only talked about it the day before I left and then the next morning I kind of rushed out the door, saying, “Don’t you want to hug me some more? I’m going to be gone kind of a long time,” which just made her look at me weird.

But we kept in touch by sending pictures back and forth.

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Hey, mommy, what’s up? My car seat is in the living room!

 

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Whatever, lady. I don’t need you.

 

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M cookie is for MOMMY COME HOME!

 

I missed this kid but I’m not gonna lie: I had a lot of fun pretending to be a single girl for the weekend. Well, a single pregnant girl who couldn’t drink all night, but it was still a blast. I’m going to have to do it again.

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Facebook Lent

March17

I gave up Facebook for Lent. So this is my fourteenth day social media sober. I was going to write about it before but it didn’t turn out to be the Big Deal I thought it was going to be. I mean, it’s a real addiction for me. I rarely let my brain be quiet for a minute without filling it with bits of news from my charming friends. I rarely experience my family doing something remotely funny without desperately needing to post about it and get validated by the “likes.” So I thought I was going to have serious withdrawal…at least eventually…when I gave it up.

It hasn’t happened. I’ve barely noticed. I mean, the urge to type up every little thing that happens is still there:

-Hey, guys, I just found out my husband doesn’t know how to spell our daughter’s middle name! I understood when we were still in the hospital with her, but…she’s two, dude. –

But then I just make a note and try to figure out how to work it into the blog – smooth, huh? – which I also seem to be neglecting. Have I just stopped needing attention? Am I content with real life? That doesn’t sound like me.

-So Audrey has a small stuffed grizzly bear and a little sock monkey and she’s been making them kiss a lot lately. Just those two.-

Oh, if you’re wondering, I did stop posting about the Bible. It was making me cranky and it was no fun for anybody else to read either. I will keep reading, eventually, but I don’t feel like writing. It was hard for me to keep the big picture and easy to get caught in the ickier details. Anyway.

Back to Facebook. Without it, I do feel calmer. I read more books. I pay attention to my kid more. I find there’s a lot more time in my day than I thought. Maybe next Lent I’ll go whole Amish. 🙂

-Andy LOVES to tell me that, by dictionary definition, it is totally valid to use the word “literally” hyperbolically. It really, really annoys me. And that’s why he tells me.-

Now let’s look at a cute picture.

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Aud wearing her baby in a sling. Who’s my good little Attachment Parent-in-training?

Thus endeth the rambling post of randomness.

 

posted under Audrey, husband, the Bible in 2014 | Comments Off on Facebook Lent

Weekend of Sick

March10

We decided to spend the weekend with giant colds. We figured it would be fun to do it right when it got nice outside so it would be more of a slap in the balls. The kid was sick with us but opted not to feel it. She was just as perky as ever and so bummed we weren’t taking her outside or chasing her or even bathing her.

She has learned a great trick though. When she hears her Daddy hock up a loogey, she immediately runs to open the kitchen trash can, so he can deposit it in there. It’s so gross, you guys. I still have a wicked gag reflex.

Aud was fine enough to be dumped at school this morning, so I did that. She was super excited. Finally, fun people! Her teacher asked me, “So…do you ever have to ask her to do something about twenty times?” Ha. Yes. YES. And twenty different ways to avoid it devolving to a wresting match with a toddler. Oy.

Here’s something cute the kid did yesterday when bored out of her mind with us:

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She’s wearing my shirt and has made a pocket out of the front for carrying her water.

The expression is because when she’s trying to smile on purpose, that’s what comes out.

And that’s my whole story. Later.

 

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Growing Up is Hard to Do

March7

Audrey’s gone and grown into a new person again. In the last couple of weeks, she’s launched into more imaginative play, gotten a little more complex with her grammar, and become a little more needy. So she’s fascinating to be around, often very cuddly, and then very, very…uh…obstinate. I’m suddenly surprised with battles over things I didn’t expect and am therefore thoroughly unprepared for. She doesn’t want to nap, so will scream and fight to stay sitting on the toilet rather than make any move that leads toward her room. She wants to leave the house, but doesn’t (she’s like a cat), so battles me over everything from putting on clothes to combing her hair. Once she’s out of the house, she may not want to leave wherever we go, so we do the whole show in public.

So I find myself wracking my brain for the appropriate psychological warfare at any given moment. All the things that worked last month and made me feel so brilliant are now useless. Audrey found out that when given a choice of two options (“Do you want to go potty or wear a diaper?”) there is always a secret third choice, which is “NO.” If to achieve one goal, she has to complete a task first (“You can have a banana if you pick up those Cheerios you dumped on the floor”) she will choose to expend that menial energy bemoaning the state of her existence instead.

But like I said, she’s also more charming and brilliant and dear every day. It all goes together. I just ended up inadvertently rocking that child to sleep for her nap, as she had a testy morning and desperately needed closeness. I know she’s going to need so much more of that kind of smushy love in a few months and am so worried about how I’m going to give it to her with another person attached to my body.

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Aw.

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Lookit Mah Preshus Bebe

March5

Ultrasounds are like Disney World to me. I have often referred to Audrey’s as the best day of my life, and that includes her being born. It was just thrilling. She was so real; she was doing stuff. So I was a crazy level of excited to go meet our new bambino on screen yesterday. Just crazy excited.

It was scheduled for right after we drop Audrey off at school. I kind of wanted to bring her to the ultrasound, but also hated having her miss those few hours she gets to be at school. However, it wasn’t the most genius idea, as we were bringing Andy’s mom along to the ultrasound and Audrey was just destroyed that we brought her Grams into her day for a few minutes only to abandon Audrey to school right away. She looked at us like we had killed her puppy. We totally suck.

Anyway. Ultrasound!

Just like our Audrey, this baby was spread-eagled for us right off the bat and let us know that WE HAVE A BOY CHILD!!!!

No, we do not have that screen shot for you. Be decent.

Here’s what we have!

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Hello, son!

He’s perfect. Everything is going as perfectly as possible. He was SO busy. Kicking and covering his face with his arms and yawning.

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See him looking right at you?

Oh, my goodness, you guys, this technology is the most mind-blowing thing ever. This whole baby thing is so abstract and now I feel like I’ve met our kid. I am suddenly all I will do anything for you mah beautiful bebe and Oh no, Andy, someday he’s going to grow up and love some other woman.

So the point is he is so gorgeous and smart and talented and the Best Thing Ever, you guys.

Also, he’s a dancer:

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Check that leg action.

I love you, baby boy!!!

posted under Audrey, husband, pregnancy | Comments Off on Lookit Mah Preshus Bebe