Exit Strategy


My boy child is very busy in utero, sometimes surprisingly so. Yesterday, I squealed at a sudden jab and said, “The baby’s really moving!” Audrey poked her head around the corner and said, “He’s out?”

Ha. No, darling. Not by a long shot. I’ve told her we still have a while to wait and I’ve started trying to explain that I’ll go to a hospital to get him out. There’s just no way to convey what a process it is!

I met my new doula (yay!) on Monday and when she asked if Audrey would be along for the birth, I just had to say hellz nah. While I would love for Aud to have a slightly more concrete idea of where the baby is coming from, I don’t feel I put on the most calm and educational show in labor. I do not want to freak her out.

So I’ve been nervous about a few aspects of labor. I’m going to spare you the squishy details and today obsess over the very basic and essential, When Do You Know You’re in Labor???

Have you noticed on TV, when a woman goes into labor, she’s just going through her normal daily activities when suddenly she grasps her belly, looks up meaningfully, and says, “It’s time”?

What bullshit.

I spent an entire day wondering if I was in labor with Audrey and then another night only knowing I was not in labor enough to get to go to the hospital. When I finally just begged to go in, consistent contractions be damned, it turned out I only had 3 hours to spare.

Which was fine for a lot of reasons – no long time at the hospital means no time to think about drugs and no time for staff to get antsy and want to do something – but here’s the thing: second labors are notoriously faster than firsts. Like maybe twice as fast. So now I’m nervous. If I go in long before my midwife thinks I should, will I just end up being sent home a dozen times? Or spend way longer laboring at the hospital than I want to and get burned out faster? But if I wait for proper signs of progressed-enough labor, will I have a kid on my living room carpet?


Stuff to harass my midwife and doula about next time I see them.

Y’all out there! How did you know when to go to the hospital?

posted under Audrey, pregnancy, TV
2 Comments to

“Exit Strategy”

  1. Avatar May 9th, 2014 at 2:14 am Marcy Says:

    This happened to a lady I work with, and everything turned out fine. I’m sure things will go great for you!


  2. Avatar May 11th, 2014 at 5:42 pm Julie Says:

    Ahhh! That’s my big fear! You’re terrible. Actually, I remember reading this story. If nothing else, these stories remind me that a good chunk of us need very little hospital intervention in birth. That being said…I reeeaaaally don’t want to do it in my car. 🙂 I entertained fantasies about driving an hour to the nearest hospital or birthing center that will do water births and then I laughed at myself, cause NO. Not for me. We drove a couple miles to the hospital while in labor with Audrey and I cursed Andy for every teeny bump in the road he drove over. It sucked. An hour? I’d have my son in a cornfield.

    P.S. Sorry it took me forever to approve your comment. I didn’t notice it in the sea of spam for a while. Good news! You can now say anything you want and your comments will appear immediately!

    (It’s sweet to know you read my ramblings. Love you, kid.)