Exit Strategy


My boy child is very busy in utero, sometimes surprisingly so. Yesterday, I squealed at a sudden jab and said, “The baby’s really moving!” Audrey poked her head around the corner and said, “He’s out?”

Ha. No, darling. Not by a long shot. I’ve told her we still have a while to wait and I’ve started trying to explain that I’ll go to a hospital to get him out. There’s just no way to convey what a process it is!

I met my new doula (yay!) on Monday and when she asked if Audrey would be along for the birth, I just had to say hellz nah. While I would love for Aud to have a slightly more concrete idea of where the baby is coming from, I don’t feel I put on the most calm and educational show in labor. I do not want to freak her out.

So I’ve been nervous about a few aspects of labor. I’m going to spare you the squishy details and today¬†obsess over the very basic and essential, When Do You Know You’re in Labor???

Have you noticed on TV, when a woman goes into labor, she’s just going through her normal daily activities when suddenly she grasps her belly, looks up meaningfully, and says,¬†“It’s time”?

What bullshit.

I spent an entire day wondering if I was in labor with Audrey and then another night only knowing I was not in labor enough to get to go to the hospital. When I finally just begged to go in, consistent contractions be damned, it turned out I only had 3 hours to spare.

Which was fine for a lot of reasons – no long time at the hospital means no time to think about drugs and no time for staff to get antsy and want to do something – but here’s the thing: second labors are notoriously faster than firsts. Like maybe twice as fast. So now I’m nervous. If I go in long before my midwife thinks I should, will I just end up being sent home a dozen times? Or spend way longer laboring at the hospital than I want to and get burned out faster? But if I wait for proper signs of progressed-enough labor, will I have a kid on my living room carpet?


Stuff to harass my midwife and doula about next time I see them.

Y’all out there! How did you know when to go to the hospital?

posted under Audrey, pregnancy, TV
2 Comments to

“Exit Strategy”

  1. Avatar May 9th, 2014 at 2:14 am Marcy Says:

    This happened to a lady I work with, and everything turned out fine. I’m sure things will go great for you!


  2. Avatar May 11th, 2014 at 5:42 pm Julie Says:

    Ahhh! That’s my big fear! You’re terrible. Actually, I remember reading this story. If nothing else, these stories remind me that a good chunk of us need very little hospital intervention in birth. That being said…I reeeaaaally don’t want to do it in my car. :) I entertained fantasies about driving an hour to the nearest hospital or birthing center that will do water births and then I laughed at myself, cause NO. Not for me. We drove a couple miles to the hospital while in labor with Audrey and I cursed Andy for every teeny bump in the road he drove over. It sucked. An hour? I’d have my son in a cornfield.

    P.S. Sorry it took me forever to approve your comment. I didn’t notice it in the sea of spam for a while. Good news! You can now say anything you want and your comments will appear immediately!

    (It’s sweet to know you read my ramblings. Love you, kid.)