How to Name a Baby


So we’re still hung up on a name for our kid. I think we’ve got a vague list of hopefuls we can take with us to the hospital, but just in case we come up with something on the fly, I’m assembling a rigorous testing process before we declare our choice to the Law.

1. When you combine it with our last name, does it sound dirty? It’s so much easier to do than you think.

2. Do the initials spell something stupid?

3. Is it too trendy? As Freakonomics taught us, it can look trashy on the way down.

4. Is it going to be trendy in a few years?

5. Does it sound right in real life?

6. Google. Are there any serial killers with that name?

7. If you were going in for heart surgery, and this was your doctor’s name, would you feel less confident?

8. Is there an obvious awful name kids could turn it into? (Always remembering, kids don’t need specific inspiration to insult each other.)

Anything I’m missing?



posted under husband, pregnancy
6 Comments to

“How to Name a Baby”

  1. Avatar June 17th, 2014 at 6:51 am Vanessa Says:

    Our names had to pass what I call the yell test. All combinations of the name had to sound good and easily roll off the tongue when yelled. The husband did not want any name that had been in the top ten for the past decade. There were spreadsheets involved.

  2. Avatar June 17th, 2014 at 7:04 am Mary Says:

    You rethink things more than anyone I know, well, not more then Gma. 🙂 Took me a bit to think of Audrey as a baby name but it’s perfect & can’t imagine her as anything else! You’ll find a name for your little guy that will fit. Love you, Jewels

  3. Avatar June 17th, 2014 at 4:53 pm Julie Says:

    Ha, Nessa, I love it.

  4. Avatar June 20th, 2014 at 7:12 am Julie Says:

    Ah! Also! It must fit in the WASPy sequence of “Andrew, Julie, Audrey, and ______”

    As in, Ezekiel or Fernando would not quite fit.

  5. Avatar June 22nd, 2014 at 2:17 am Marcy Says:

    I vote for Alexander. Classic, nickname-able, not weird.

    1) Alexander [redacted :-)]. Not dirty.
    2) A_[]. I don’t think any letter would make that weird.
    3) It’s trending down!
    4) “Alexander last peaked in 2009 . It will decline as a baby name every year from now through 2038.”
    5) “Hello, you’ve reached the voice mail of Alexander [redacted]. I am away from my desk right now. Please leave a message and I will return your call as soon as possible.”
    6) I see athletes, but no serial killers.
    7) I’d let Alexander [redacted] operate on me.
    8) Alex? I see nothing wrong with that.
    Bonus: “Andrew, Julie, Audrey, and Alex”

    Problem solved. You’re welcome. 🙂

  6. Avatar June 22nd, 2014 at 4:53 am Julie Says:

    I totally agree, and have lobbied for it! It’s even got the “ander” root that Andrew does. Couldn’t sell the husband though. 🙂